Monday, April 11, 2011

Finally gettin' it right♥

So...I'm super excited to announce that the babies & I all made it through our 1st day of this new adventure that I've chosen to take us on :)...& I could never feel any better about it then what I do.
Thursday of last week I chose that I was no longer going to live my life 2nd to someone elses. I chose that instead of being unbearably miserable, I was going to take a stand, make a change & be the person and Mother that my heart was breaking to be.  I chose to give up on my public job up & become once again....
a stay at home momma.
 The entire situation with working had been something that had caused me alot of heartache & tears the past few months...there's really no way to describe it so that anyone really understands it to the full extent, I still really don't know how I made it out without having a nervous breakdown honestly. 
It had became more of a burden in my life then any financial gain could ever out weigh & that was the only real reason I was there...I was trying my hardest to simply help bring a little money into the house to help take care of K&P. 
It never dawned on me that maybe I was doing more damage then good. Now looking back I see I was knowingly putting myself through hell, becoming depressed & missing out on very important things daily with my sweet babies & that hurts me more than anything.
So, after a few talks with the people I confide in most & getting generally that same reaction from each of them...I  finally realized that I (...regardless of what some may think) do deserve better!
I deserve to be happy & I deserve to be with my babies.  
 So it's been out with the old & back to the 'up at 7...2 diapers to be changed...2 mouths to be fed...& 2 beautiful little beings that truly, honestly, no doubt in my & need me'.
 I sit here crying as I finish this up, realizing once again how blessed that I am for God to see me through another damaging experience and still allows me forgiveness...not for the people that have used me, cussed me, slandered my name or hurt my feeling through it all, but for myself. I knew where I needed to shouldn't have taken me this long to get here. 
 I guess that's the beauty of it tho, huh? We all live & learn...we all screw up & need a hand to help us regain ourselves. I can never thank God, my best friend & Momma for helping me find myself once again in this mess. I can never thank Dustin enough for working so hard & making it a reality for me to be able to stay at home & not have to struggle financially. 
 I know it's not going to be an easy's probably gonna be more challenging then what I can even predict right now but it's gonna be right for us...all of us. 
  & What more could I ask for then that? 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

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