Saturday, February 12, 2011

{believing in me}

I often find myself complaining about having a bad day or even a bad week every now & then, even when it's really not been that bad. This week has been a little different tho, it definitely takes 1st place in worst weeks ever. Thursday, I unfortunately found my place on my hometowns skanky nasty trashy Topix page. For those who know what this website consists of, I'm sure you can understand how disgusted I was when I found that my name had been posted on there.
Apparently some people around here think they know who I am. Nothing that I was called is anything new tho, I've even probably been called worse. I'm can't lie & say it didn't hurt, I even cried. I have always taken pride in my ability to steer clear of all the drama that this town has to offer, & then that day rolls around and I find myself drug right into the middle of a bunch of obviously, sad & miserable people trying to run me into the ground. I felt defeated and that I must be doing something wrong in my life to make me such a bad person in atleast several people's eyes.
I have always been raised to have respect for myself & to be proud of even the smallest accomplishments in my life. I know that not everyone in the world is going to like me, and that's fine. I'm not too fond of alot of people myself but I would never post about it on flippin' Topix, for Pete's sake. It's disrespectful, tacky & completely embarrassing, especially as a parent, to be talked about the way that people love to do. I know my children aren't at an age of knowing what was going on but there's no telling who else in God's green county seen the post.
It's really weighted hard on my heart & on my mind. Then last night, as I was looking at my kid's playing in the floor...I knew what I had to do. I took a hot bath, cleared my head and I prayed the most sincere prayer that I've ever sent up in my life. I left it all in his hands, I can't let what anyone elses says bring me down or force me to second guess who I am as a person or a mother.
 I know my heart & I know who I am...I only answer to myself & the good Lord after everyday is over, I owe no-one else anything.
{Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you
1 Peter 5:6-7

I have too many blessings in my life, far too much that I'm thankful for to let anyone & their hateful, negative lies drain the life out of me. I deserve more then to have to live like that :)


  1. You sweet precious girl let me first get this out, TOPIX IS HORRIBLE! There is no if, ands or buts about that statement. People are even more cruel. I cannot believe how down low and self conscious that they have to do this to people that are amazing and have made something out of themselves.
    You did the right thing by leaving all of this to the Lord and letting it all out on here as well. Venting about any kind of heart ache is the best thing, ever. I've been on topix so many times, that I cannot even tell you. I do SOMETIMES read the site because I got sick of coming into work and people saying "Well congrats, you made it on topix." and then finding out who was saying the stuff. It's just sad. There is a petition that is going around in Kentucky to be signed that is trying to get topix removed. Yes, I have signed this!
    Just smile girl, and never forget how amazing you are!

  2. Darling... I just cried after reading that. It's so true!! We all need to remember to first and foremost love ourselves and believe in what we have to offer the world. You are an amazing person :)